A Beer to Match

Not every woman could get away with it. Not every woman was able to live life with such disregards for external validation, to live life without second guessing herself. But then again, Linda was not just another woman. She was Linda J Cook. She did not care for governing female stereotype on television. She did not watch reality shows or read Cosmo magazine. She had no interest in celebrity gossip or day time soap operas.

She ordered herself a plain old bottle of Budweiser.

Linda was no dummy. She had a complete sense of the potential repercussions that her selections may have on the visual representation of her entourage. Like an ugly sore, her beer bottle took away from the magnificence of her girlfriends’ Dulce De Leche Martini and sour apple vodka drinks.

Ever since she was a little girl back in Odessa Texas, Linda never really fit in with the rest of the girls at school. She was the kind of a girl that usually found herself at the back corner of Mrs. Chester’s homeroom class.

Linda did not have blond hair and her breasts did not come out until it was just a bit too late. Her cousin Annie had nice supple ones as early as fourteen. Annie’s mom always dressed her up in those tiny summer dresses that made her look like a California movie star. Annie’s mom was born out in Los Angeles. Linda’s mom was born in Odessa, down on Melody Lane a stone throw away from Permian High School, the same school that Linda attended.

Cousin Annie was the all American kind of a girl. In high school she was a cheerleader, won second place in the Miss Rice Belt pageant, and dated Cody Ryan, the all American captain of the Panthers. Cody and Annie continued to date for a few more years after high school but later broke up when he lost his scholarship at Texas A&M.

Annie and Linda went back many years. Their mothers always said that the two of them were like natural sisters but Linda never really felt that way.

One night that stood out in her memory was that Friday night back in the day around the age of fourteen. Uncle Jim and Aunt Marilyn went out to the dance in the grand ballroom and the two girls were left all alone. Annie snuck a couple of her father’s beers from the fridge and then it all began.

“So tell me, which boy do you like the most? Who would you want to make out with?”


Linda did not know what to say. Unlike her cousin, Linda never really kissed a boy before.

“You mean, you never ever kissed a boy? Not even once?”
“Well I let Josh Owen kiss me on the lips at Matt Rice’s party.”
“Well Gosh, that doesn’t even count. A kiss, a real one at least requires some tongue if you know what I mean.”
“Annie, why do you always have to be so nasty?”

But Annie would have none of it. “Can you even imagine how embarrassing it is to be your cousin sometimes? Do you realize that you are the only girl at Bonham Middle who never made out with a boy? Why do you want to be such a loser?”

Linda did not want to be a loser. She did not really want to be anything besides plain old Linda. But Annie insisted. The girls finished a second round of beers and that was when she agreed to try.

Place your lips around the tip of the bottle and then move your tongue around.
Linda followed orders despite the fact that it all seemed kind of stupid.

“Make sure to breath through your nose”, Annie explain “otherwise you may just end up chocking on that thing.”

Linda took her time. But all of the practice in the world was of no real utility to her.

It was more than two years later when Linda met Lyndon, the only boy to ever have her heart. Lyndon was different than the rest of the boys at school.

He played the guitar. They dated for a five months. She spent the next two years getting over their breakup.

After high school he flew out to Colorado State University out in Fort Collins. Nancy ended up in North Carolina.

Holding on to her bottle of Budweiser, Nancy smiled and pretended to care about what her friends were talking about. A few guys from NC State tried to make conversation but none of them appeared all that interested in Linda. Could they really tell just how different she was than the rest of the girls in the group?

Around the holidays, Linda was happy to receive a Christmas card from Odessa. A picture of Annie revealed an all American family sporting green red sweaters and green stockings to match. Annie’s husband Bob was the son of Buck Allen the owner of the Freedom Buick and GMC car dealerships. Annie’s two kids were all blond and perfect. They seemed to come out of a Texas catalogue.
Annie was as beautiful as Linda always remembered. Her new implants jumped out of her sweater like season’s greetings and her teeth were sparkling Christmas lights.

It has been more than three years since Linda last flew back home to Texas. There was not much left for her there any longer. Still home was always home and nothing could really take its place. Linda thought about her childhood in the small town of Odessa. She thought about all of those stupid boys and wondered where everyone ended up. She wondered about how quickly time went by.

Holding on to a bottle of Budweiser and a smile to match, Linda walked towards the dance floor with a boy that she just met.

His name was Alex and he appeared different than the rest of the boys. Alex was much taller than Linda. He was one of the few men in the bar who did not wear a university of this or that baseball hat.

Alex came from the town large city of Odessa out in the Republic of Ukraine. Linda did not really know where that country was on the map but pretended she did so he won’t think she was ignorant. Alex spoke with a slight foreign accent.

Alex told her about his cousin Vadim who was very successful despite his reputed connections to the Russian underworld. Alex’s cousin Vadim was married to Anna Butyrskaya, the daughter of Odessa most prominent businessman. She was a beautiful blond with a body out of a magazine.

With a beer to match and a familiar smile, they came closer and closer on the dance floor. When Alex kissed her, she licked the sweet beer off of his lips. He tasted just like that night back at Uncle Jim and Aunt Marilyn’s house.

The next day she bought a plane ticket to Odessa Texas. It was time to come home.